Friends forgotten and lost

We all have in our life friends, tucked into the folds of memory, who have made life special. Some have forgotten you and some you have forgotten.

I had read an article in which the author shared that sometimes let memories be just that. Do not try to catch it again. That moment is gone, and trying to catch up/relive them is not a wonderful affair. You may end up remembering the botched up conversation and lose the beautiful moments of yesteryears.

To confess there was someone whom I wanted to speak to for years together. She was my childhood friend. We might have not known each other for more that three years, but her memory was deeply etched in my mind. I googled her name, searched in Orkut, batchmate sites and then after 16 years found her again on Facebook.

It should have been great. Yet the lady responded in pleasant surprise in one mail and then never wrote back. I do not know if I was happy to hear she was alive, happy and doing well; or feel cheated for losing my fondest of childhood memories.

Life has dealt us our cards; and I believe each person meets you at a point of time in your life for a reason. Yes, one can argue that sites like I mentioned above have united many long lost friends.

Perhaps I am just unlucky in this field. I have lost dear friends to time, to their busy lifestyles, to their better halves…. Some, I realized much later, were around only because I had the power influence great decisions at work; their bonuses depended on what I thought of their ideas. Sad!! I am such an oaf; never recognized them.

Hmmm, anyway the better halves line is interesting…I need to do another post for that!

Unlearning to fit in

There are few comic strips that become legend, and Calvin & Hobbes is surely one.

Calvin is charming with his viewpoints that do not restrict themselves in the realm of the plausible.

He is like every child, and the child within us. He is curious and can entertain himself endlessly. A bathtub can be a boat, his rubber duck can be a shark. His closet a haunted house...

Calvin and his imaginary friend Hobbes are very reminiscent of children who are very bright. So much so that the ordinary holds no value for them. Since they have the capability to think differently, they are shunned by peers.

It our desire to ‘fit-in’ that diminished our creativity. We try to ‘fit-in’ to mainstream jobs, we try to ‘fit-in’ by appearing to read tombs of classic literature, we try to ‘fit-in’ by nodding in approval to what the general team’s opinion….

It takes a unusual thinker to progress. If Galileo really believed the Earth was flat, we’d be sitting here worshipping the rain gods and singings peons to the sun and moon.

Self-belief is important; and so is the courage to share a different opinion.

They will judge for what you build, not destroy

It is such a great line…From Barack Obama’s speech, “To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West: Know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy…”

If one really understood the essence of the line, individuals, families and nations will be transformed.

We focus too clearly, or too unilaterally rather, that many a times we do not realise whose feet we just stomped on; whose dreams we squashed.

Build a city of joy and see each one blossom. Give encouragement to new ideas, ask for productive inventions, seek newer paths…

War is ultimately futile. I put a bullet through your head, and you put one in mine. Great, now what?!?!

History remembers those who contributed to the welfare of the people – economic or emotional. If you want to be really valued, then respect differences. Only a room full of different opinions can think of an out-of-the-box new idea.

This is my opinion; I respect yours…

Mysticism

Mysticism is search for the divine. And this quest is the underlying thread of all religions in the world.

We all are seeking that one lesson that we need to imbibe to reach God. Yet, many have abused in the name of the Almighty.

There are terrible sacrificial ceremonies propagated by insane groups. From the child to the goat, nothing is spared. This is no religion, but some idiots who claim it pious to kill.

Why people follow such groups is fathomless…

God, is actually a form of energy. Energy that is pure and powers our life.

There should be no set formula to find God; it just too personal a journey to be put in watertight compartments.

They love the chase, and they love to pursue

Even married women love being pursued. In fact the need to chase and be chased seems like an intrinsic need.

A friend of mine is quite married, but her ‘networking’ brings her a variety of suitors ever so often. Now the act to her mind is innocent, but there is a clear feeler sent out each time she communicates.

The way one dresses, crosses her legs or simply brushes her hair can be a signal. Men pick up on the scent. And trust me the women know it!

A gentle pat on the back can mean a lot… In fact, most outside observers can easily tell you who is going steady, who is bored and who is ready for merriment.

There is a tone that will be a little extra gentle, there is that confused look as if you never got a hint and then a suffused smile that just spreads itself…

Love is wonderful; but many people just love the act of falling in love. Once that is over, the mystery is over…and only true love can survive that!

Comparing children

Oh god, when will parents realize that every time they compare their child to another, they are doing grave injustice.

It is commonplace to hear parents berating a child….

“Why did he get more marks?”

“Why can’t you be like those kids?”

“Do you know Uncle’s son got into MIT! You think you can match him?”

“Isn’t she such a pretty girl? Wish she was my daughter…”

“Now see, he plays football like a real champion. Perhaps you should just drop it, you won’t qualify…”

You know, these are like poison arrows. Once you have released them, no amount of love can repair the hurt.

Learn to respect your child. Learn to give him/her space to grow.

Did Van Gogh learn to paint when he was 5!! The amount of pressure for kids to outclass the other is mind boggling. From extra tennis lessons to the violin class, they have to be present every where.

It is great to let them explore their talents, but let them enjoy it as well. Everything in life is not a competition. Sometimes, having fun is more important than hitting a home run.

Office politics

If we could legally get away with murder, then office politics will be a motive behind many such attacks.

Yes, I have seen some nasty fights between people. Oh no, never verbal. It is that snubbing, marking cc to his/her boss each time you ask a question, sending repeated reminders with a reply all email, walking out of the doorway just when it his/her birthday celebration etc etc.

Why?

It is such a petty thing. Waste of a lot of happy hormones, if you ask me… It is human nature to constantly compare. But the best one to compete with is you!

How can you degrade yourself to benchmark your success based on someone else’s accomplishment. Be happy for them and move on.

No amount of fretting and fuming changes anything. Then why bother to spoil your own mood? Trust me some just do it to make you annoyed…and when they see you sufficiently irritated, a wide grin will be plastered on their faces.

It is best not to give anyone that chance. Enjoy your own life; each one has a destiny. Just follow it…

Work life balance

There is beautiful quote, “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’”

It is something that keeps me always motivated and not bogged down by work pressures.

In this high stress, over achieving arena, it seems to be compulsory never to fail, to always be right and never apologize. Personally, I cannot stand fools. Yet, let us look at this in another light – we are human, and we can err. It is a mark of great character to apologize if you have made a mistake.

And, the world will not fall apart if you make an error. (Unless you are a nuclear scientist or the President who accidently imagined WMDs and went to war)

It is important to unwind and spend time with oneself. Indulgence is not a crime, and yes you deserve to buy that exquisite pair of shoes or earrings or a watch that will cost perhaps half your month’s paycheck. Sometimes, it is just ok to be happy.

Saving for the rainy day is encouraged, but do not miss out on life. Live it and love it!

Positive Thinking

Positive thinking. My grandma has always told me that if you believe there is plenty, there will be. If you truly believe you are happy; you will be. If you can visualize yourself winning at the end, you will win.

Interestingly, many scientists and researches think the same. Even the book The Secret shares the philosophy. Even SRK’s Om Shanti Om, harps on the same message.
a
The funny thing is that many disagree. My childhood friend always said, say your exam has gone terrible – and then you will get great marks. Another always felt that she was too large; when she was thin! The idea was that keep feeling big, to ensure you do not over eat.

Personally, I think it was a more a concept of having realistic expectations!

Positivity stems from within. Go spread it…

Express yourself more often

Family. It is one of those things that you cannot replace. There are differences, but ultimately they are the only ones who will stand by you when the curtain falls.

Of late, I have seen many people lost in their work or busy catching up with drink buddies. You know the simplest gesture of love goes a long way. Spend some time; get a greeting card…come on you are not too old to give your mom a teddy bear that says I love you Mom!

Why is it that when we are children we easily come and hug our parents? Gush when they say we look handsome/pretty…or simply badger them to praise a silly drawing you made.

I have been told by a friend, that the world is no longer worth bringing a child into. Children are too selfish and too self-contained.

Think again; is that you whom you are describing?

Movie Review: Chandni Chowk to China

There are some movies that should never be made. And Chandni Chowk to China is certainly one of them. A terrible attempt at slapstick comedy, it fails to hit even the dart board, forget the bull’s eye!

Akshay Kumar is a talented actor no doubt, but even he cannot keep this film from appearing like a toilet roll. As someone rightly commented, there is just too much of comedy, too many gags, too much of nonsensical melodrama and too much of silly action routines. In fact, at a point I even felt it was some stupid spoof of Karate Kid.

The plot, if you must know, is that Sidhu a.k.a. Akshay Kumar is a chef brought up in the lanes of Chandni Chowk, Delhi. He is poor and an orphan. The only support he has is Mithun Chakraborty who is his adopted father. Mithun lets Sidhu run his dhabha.

Yet, Sidhu dreams big and is forever looking at opportunities to change his fortune – from lottery tickets to astrologers, he has tried them all. One day, some Chinese men land up in Delhi and mistake him as their reincarnated leader who will free their oppressed village from the villain, Hojo. (Imagine Zorro in a D-grade movie here, that’s the concept)

So, Sidhu goes to China with his astrologer Chopstick (Ranvir Shorey). Chopstick has convinced Sidhu that they wish to honour him; he does not disclose the fact that the roadside chef has been chosen to kill the mighty Hojo.

Of course, now the bumbling idiot messes up completely and loses his loved one. This anger ultimately leads him to a guru who will teach him Kung-fu, to defeat Hojo. (This sequence is also terribly slapstick…the finesse needed is lacking)

Of course, the end is predictable – but the side sub plots and romantic allusions are quite unnecessary. Yet, the director felt it would be a runaway hit and therefore has kept a “to be continued” sign at the end, wishing that we will want to follow the misadventures of this idiotic character. Well, dear director – try not to waste any more film reel on this one. One disaster is quite enough!

Stars: *