Movie Review: Chandni Chowk to China

There are some movies that should never be made. And Chandni Chowk to China is certainly one of them. A terrible attempt at slapstick comedy, it fails to hit even the dart board, forget the bull’s eye!

Akshay Kumar is a talented actor no doubt, but even he cannot keep this film from appearing like a toilet roll. As someone rightly commented, there is just too much of comedy, too many gags, too much of nonsensical melodrama and too much of silly action routines. In fact, at a point I even felt it was some stupid spoof of Karate Kid.

The plot, if you must know, is that Sidhu a.k.a. Akshay Kumar is a chef brought up in the lanes of Chandni Chowk, Delhi. He is poor and an orphan. The only support he has is Mithun Chakraborty who is his adopted father. Mithun lets Sidhu run his dhabha.

Yet, Sidhu dreams big and is forever looking at opportunities to change his fortune – from lottery tickets to astrologers, he has tried them all. One day, some Chinese men land up in Delhi and mistake him as their reincarnated leader who will free their oppressed village from the villain, Hojo. (Imagine Zorro in a D-grade movie here, that’s the concept)

So, Sidhu goes to China with his astrologer Chopstick (Ranvir Shorey). Chopstick has convinced Sidhu that they wish to honour him; he does not disclose the fact that the roadside chef has been chosen to kill the mighty Hojo.

Of course, now the bumbling idiot messes up completely and loses his loved one. This anger ultimately leads him to a guru who will teach him Kung-fu, to defeat Hojo. (This sequence is also terribly slapstick…the finesse needed is lacking)

Of course, the end is predictable – but the side sub plots and romantic allusions are quite unnecessary. Yet, the director felt it would be a runaway hit and therefore has kept a “to be continued” sign at the end, wishing that we will want to follow the misadventures of this idiotic character. Well, dear director – try not to waste any more film reel on this one. One disaster is quite enough!

Stars: *

Movie Review: Yes Man

Jim Carrey is wonderful in this movie. This is a movie of a man who has lost his sexy, blonde girlfriend and now is stuck in a rut. He sulks, he refuses to have a social life and declines every opportunity – good or bad – that comes his way. He works as a loan officer in a bank and has not progressed. Everything is a ‘no’.

That is when Terrence, a guru that preaches the magic of ‘Yes’, comes into Frank’s (i.e. Jim Carrey’s) life. He tells him that he has cast a spell, a covenant to himself, which compels him to say yes to all opportunities posed to him. He must not refuse…

This leads to hilarious situations, where Frank finds himself saying yes to things that he would not have done in his wildest dreams. He is learning Korean, taking flying lessons, playing the guitar and even is forced to play footsie with an old grandma!

It is a film that helps you see how much of our lives is determined by invisible boundaries that we have set for ourselves. It is said that if you keep doing the same things over and over again, and expect different results, it is insanity. And the truth of the matter is, most of us are actually insane! Push the envelope and experience life; that is the message of the movie. Hilariously put, but worth a watch.

Stars: * * * ½

Movie Review: The Day the Earth Stood Still

Disappointing is the word for this one. Keanu Reeves is a great actor, who has given stellar performances in films like Speed and The Matrix triology….here well, the less said the better.

The movie is more a damp squid; we are as usual the self destructive animals.

Humans, you see, have a tendency to see the worst in everything and especially each other. We are disrespectful to the environment and would rather wage war, and look for invisible WMD’s than sit and debate. Well, that is, what a Japanese alien (yeah!) placed on Earth has gauged from his years on our planet. Yet, we are a lovable, whimsical lot whom he cares for as well.

Yet, the super alien, Keanu believes he needs to save the Earth from further assault from humans. But when he sees a step mom hugging her step son, his soul stirs and he thinks we can change. How? No answer. Do we all adopt stepchildren? Or shall we all weep like the lady protagonist, and pray to gods (or aliens) to save us? What is the guarantee we can change, when we haven’t in years? And why in the world does the Secretary of Defense, USA speak for all of mankind!!!

It is an unreasonable movie, action is down to zilch and there are just few twilight zone special effects thrown in.

It is so bad, that even the aliens watching it will be bewildered!

And by the way, this god-this-is-the-end-of-the-world story is not original, in fact it is a remake of a 1951 classic sci-fi movie, that even won a Golden Globe. However, important sequences have been skipped, making it quite incomprehensible.

Stars: * *

Movie Review: Transporter 3

It is a typical Statham movie; full of action. Though, when I look at it, it seems like the poor man’s James Bond.

He has a swanky car – a black Audi. He ferries parcels from one place to another. He asks no names. And he works alone. These are his rules

Only, this time he breaks a few. It is like the recent 007 release, also focused on a villain who doesn’t mind wrecking havoc on the environment. He wants to dump toxics in Ukraine. Destroy the flora and fauna. If the fumes are inhaled it would cause instant death. But, hey the villain does not care. He in fact is going to use the ‘Tranporter’ Frank (John Statham) to aid him in his plan.

Frank shows his lighter in this movie. He likes life and enjoys the adrenaline rush; he just had not dwelt on the subject yet… He saves the day; and does it in style.

A movie that I recommend you see on DVD.

Stars: * * *

Movie Review: Body of Lies

Great stuff! Leonardo Di Caprio has a very convincing role of an undercover operative working in the Middle East. They are searching for clues to catch the number one terrorist; who seems to share a clever resemblance in ideology with Osama Bin Laden.

A shrewd plan is hatched; they will hurt this terrorist’s ego! His numero uno status will be threatened by another fundamentalist who will head a terror group, albeit fake, which will attack the Western world. Of course, this is not as easy as it sounds. It has to look believable; and therefore begins a slew of deceits. And it involves risking the lives of innocents…

But deception is a game that the intelligence forces like to play between themselves as well. Leo’s well meaning intentions, in spite of his efforts, creates trouble for him and the people he cares for. He is left grappling with a situation that can go explosive any moment. The intelligence of both countries, Jordan and USA, apparently refuse to help.

An intelligent film and well executed. An added attraction is Russell Crowe

Stars: ****

Movie Review: Wall-E

Oh my, this is the sweetest animation movie and perhaps the best I have seen after the Ice Age series. It cannot get cuter and sweeter and funnier than this.

The Earth has been abandoned, because of the pollution and excessive garbage on the planet. Small robots, Wall-Es, have been designed to crush the size of the garbage – however all of them are dysfunctional, save one. This is the last Wall-E and he has a pet cockroach.

One day a lovely white ‘girl’ robot descends on Earth who also takes to cleaning, but ends up discovering a sapling that Wall-E has found recently. She shuts down and is whisked away by her spaceship... Wall-E is in love and follows her to the outer limits of space.

This ship has humans who, after centuries of sitting on cozy, automated chairs and communicating through virtual networks, are lazy and unable to walk. When the captain of the ship learns about his home planet, there is quite a tussle between him and the fleet of robots designed to keep them in continual orbit.

How Wall-E saves the human race and his lady love, is the most endearing story I have seen in a long time. There is hardly any dialog, just their expressions are enough…


Stars: *****

Movie Review: Horton Hears A Who

I have been neglecting my animated buddies. So let me talk of Horton. Cute elephant, truly and one with courage and determination…

Horton one day while he is bathing hears a person shout out from a speck of dust. And that is how he finds a whole new world on a speck, which he then balances on a flower.

The jungle does not believe him; the young ones do, though. The self-proclaimed ruler of the jungle – a lady Kangaroo – is unhappy with Horton’s ‘beliefs’. She tries to have the flower crushed by an evil vulture. Yet, Horton is undaunted and goes forth to save this new world and tuck them safely on a mountain far far away.

A story of believing in yourself; and not getting swayed by a mob. It is actually a story book by Dr.Suess, the second one in fact.

The theme is good, but the makers did a much better job of delivering this message in a funnier and more powerful manner in Ice Age.

Stars: ***

Movie Review: Burn After Reading

George Clooney and Brad Pitt star in it. Yup, that is pretty much the review.

Actually, this is quite a simple movie and humorous too. Not the ha-ha-ha type, but strangely amusing. It is about how clueless the entire Intelligence department is always.

An ex-CIA analyst has recorded his memoirs or in other words, mindless banter. However, the CD goes missing, and all hell breaks loose. The CD is found by Brad Pitt, who works in a gym. He and his other lady instructor, Litdzy Litz (at least that is how here name sounded like) tries to get Russia involved trying to buy the drivel. The clueless duo wants to use it to get money for a few cosmetic surgeries for Litdzy...

Brainless is the word; but well intended. It will bring a smile to your face for sure, and at times will leave you scratching your head exasperated at their foolishness. But then, it is a lazy afternoon fare anyway!

Stars: **

Movie Review: Death Race

The world as usual has gone to gone to the greedy corporate dogs. The prison system has become a gladiator’s arena – only this time, the audience views the prisoners’ dilemma through the Internet. is

The plot is about the prison system being handled by a private company. They maintain the system and keep law and order in place. However, these are greedy entrepreneurs – they want to make money out of the prison system as well. And hence, begins Death Race.

Rules are simple, you survive and win five Death Races – you walk out a free man. But, there is a question of TRPs. So, the Death Race has twisted men behind the wheels, who are allowed to bomb, kill and mutilate his opponent and his navigators. This ghastly play brings in the viewership.

One ‘heroic’ driver, Frank, has a face so terrible, that he hides behind a mask. Only, Frank does not survive his fourth race and is replaced with a man convicted of killing his wife.

Action, drama and lots and lots of explosives. A true-blue bad boy flick...the usual Jason Statham material.
Nothing great, but if you have nothing to do and the meaningless gore does bother you, then you can see it.

Stars: **

Movie Review: Max Payne

Perhaps the director was thinking, “How do I inflict maximum pain on my audiences…oh yes, let me make a useless movie that makes them tear out their hair!”

Yes, you know my opinion of the movie. Skip it, please!

No, you still want to know? Persistent! Well it is about people who are drinking blue colored drugs and then believe are being collected by black winged demons. To protect themselves they wear tattoos… Now, these demonic forces have a link with the protagonist, Max Payne’s wife’s murder. This man is a detective solving unsolved mysteries…blah!

It is a twisted plot inspired by the Hulk – only Hulk was great, and this can be relegated to the back of line.

Stars:*

Movie Review: Quantum of Solace

James Bond is seeking solace…he wants to avenge his girlfriend’s death. The first time you see him hung up on a girl! Else this Casanova is known to flit from one lady to another without a second thought.

Anyway, it has the usual action sequences and an element of drama. The neurotic villain who believes the world can be controlled by him, the Bond girl who believes can take on the worst of men, the doubting yet protective M and of course, 007 himself – emaciated looking at first, though.

Even then, it does not live up to the expectations set after Casino Royale. Daniel Craig is still flexing muscle, but the rawness that audiences liked so much is missing. However, the problem is with the flimsy story line itself.

Pierce Brosnan had been able to carry off the flimsiest of plots with ease – his suave approach, endless gadgets and soft smile had carried them through, but the new Bond is struggling on that count.

Daniel is indeed a great actor and we hope he gets to act in a better Bond movie soon and gets a much much better Bond girl. He deserves it!

Stars:***

Movie Review: The Dark Knight (Batman movie)

This Dark Knight is nothing short of amazing. If you do not catch this flick in the cinema this season, you will regret it…

Yes, I am a big fan of superhero antics, but Batman has forever remained one that hasn’t appealed to my senses. He just seemed just an angry rich kid who did not really get technology too much.

This movie, however, is mind boggling. It is intelligent, dark, scary and chaotic!

In fact, it is has plots and sub plots that are not easy to predict. As the Joker (Batman’s arch rival puts it), “I am not the scheming kind...I am like a dog chasing a car. If I ever caught one, I would not know what to do with it…introduce chaos…anarchy”.

To extrapolate a little, the best selling book The Black Swan talks of exactly this. Of course, more eloquently. It essentially says that we humans have a tendency to rationalize and look for logical patterns. We try, foolishly, to predict the next course of action…we expect certain outcomes. However, it is when a black swan ( i.e. completely random, unexpected event) occurs does it throws you off. The expected cannot make you panic.

Therefore, expect the unexpected.

The movie has really fantastic special effects. The suit, the weapons and the technology is more sophisticated. Joker is so dastardly that you do not hate him, but rather are astonished with the way his mind ticks.

Batman, Harvey Dent – the very respectable district attorney and the Joker are the prime characters.

I just have one thing to say – this movie is an absolutely, completely must watch.


Stars: * * * * 1/2

PS: The Joker is played by Heath Ledger. The actor passed away this January 2008. This role perhaps consumed him completely as he had rehearsed to play the psychopath all alone for a month in an apartment... A role he had described "extremely difficult", but is the best performance he ever gave....

Movie Review: Hancock

Yeah!!! This is not your ordinary good guy beats the villain and saves the girl story. Though, it does have this theme. (C’mon, it is a never fail formula)

This story is in fact about a drunk and depressed man who has amazing super powers. He can swing whales and trash trains with just one hand. He hates being called an “a**hole and flies into rage every time people call him that.

His idea of justice isn’t what the citizens of LA have asked for.

Being an amnesia patient he is sad and alone…he does not know who he is, why he has these powers, and if ever anyone even cared for him.

Yet, there comes along a savior who helps him pick up pieces of his life and work to make a difference. There are moments when you finally see the sadness behind his I-do-not-care power packed exterior.

Will Smith is brilliant here. Charlize Theron has quite an action packed scene that would make want to stand up and cheer for her. And yes, there is Jason Bateman, the PR man that god would want to hire.

Exciting, with a twist… Not typical, but astonishingly a comic hero movie that actually has some depth!

Stars ****

Incredible Hulk

It’s bigger and better than before.

The beloved monster has lost his girlfriend. He leads an ordinary life of a daily wager in Portugal. And in the confines of a slum dwelling is experimenting with antidotes for gamma poisoning.

But then such peace is only temporary.

General – the ever faithful villainous Army man is behind him. He has tracked down the Hulk and now he wants to capture him.

Hulk is a failed experiment; if successfully captured then the same gamma ray technology that turned the demure scientist into Hulk, could be used to make an army of humans ‘defending the nation’ with this incredible strength.

But the Hulk is invincible…

So, we have an army officer that during the course of the movie converts into a monster that is scarier and evil…

The drama continues with an awesome fight between Hulk, who now is the superhero defending his reunited girlfriend, and the evil monster.

The adrenalin rush never ends… Special effects are astonishing and the story is superb with an emotional angle that endears the Hulk to the audiences…

A sequel is surely due!

Stars: * * * *

Movie Review: Speed Racer

Another movie that has released close on the heels of action flick Iron Man is Speed Racer. Adapted from the Japanese animation by the same name it is a movie about a younger brother’s fight to avenge his ‘dead’ elder brother – Rex.

Rex Racer was in his time the best race car driver of all times. He, however, is supposed to have died in a Grand Prix that turned dirty. Accusation flew and Rex’s family was investigated for employing illegal means to win the races.

As li’l Speed grew, all he has ever wanted is to bring back the respect his family commanded. Racing is in his blood and he drives his Mach 5 like stupendously. As his name grows the racing cartel wants him to join them and play for their company.

Speed refuses only to realize that the cartel has been for years fixing the outcome of all races and since Rex was not on their side he was axed… To catch the bad guys he bands with a couple of racers including an amazing racer named Racer X. A race car drive whose abilities astonish even Speed.

The movie has very cartoon like special effects and is a typical good-versus-evil story. Star cast wise there is only one really well known name that is Susan Sarandon as Speed and Rex’s mom. Really, what was she thinking when she signed this. Susan has been brilliant in movies like Stepmom, but this was just tiny role that any run-of-the-mill actress could easily have slipped into.

It is neither a great movie nor is it bad.

It is an average flick that you could watch on DVD or perhaps if the summer holidays are near then you and your kids could go watch this. The racing scenes are fun to watch and some of the specially engineered new “tricks” that have been added to the cars for the Grand Prix race can be a real treat.

Stars: * * *

Movie Review: Iron Man

If action and panache is something you are searching for then Iron Man is a sure winner at the box office. A Marvel comic, it has been brilliantly adapted for the typical Hollywood experience.

It is a story about Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) who is a weapons specialist. His genius has given the world fantastical destructive weapons, which according to Stark keeps the balance of power in the world…basically world peace intact.

During one of his trips to show off his new missile system, he encounters the wrath of terrorists. Trapped in a cave and sparked by a need to survive, Tony Stark transforms himself to Iron Man. A robot that can fly, shoot, save damsels in distress and do all that will fullfil any young boy's fantasy!

His journey from a spoilt brat to a world peace seeker is full of plenty of high action drama and humour. Gwyneth Paltrow as Ms. Pepper Pots plays the smart and very-much-in-love secretary. Very restrained acting by Paltrow...though really with an actress like her the director could have got much much more from her. Downey Jr., on the other hand, does great playing the brash over-confident young man he is in real life as well. He looks sexy and this being his first blockbuster, we are sure he will cherish this superhero forever.


All said and done, Iron Man has great stunts and special effects that keep you hooked through the entire 2 hours. Though, I wish they had the suit look and move in a sleeker fashion...like a Terminator inspired soft alloy one.

Recommended to all those who are looking for something to unwind with this weekend.

By the way, be sure that in the next year or two you will see a sequel...

Stars: * * * *