Power plays and relationships

There is a certain Russian philosopher who described friendship akin to slavery. Now, I think the man was a bit too harsh. Friendship is a beautiful gift…
I think what he meant was the concept of power play. In every relationship there is an element of power play, no matter how subtle. Even in friendship or a marriage.



There is always one who adjusts slightly more than the other. You might not have noticed it, but when you go out for say dinner with your friends, the few minutes spent debating on the choice of cuisine, will pretty much determine the power-play relations. One will relent and go in for what the group wants, and there still might be one who imposes his/her wish – no one orders any mushroom dish today; please guys not Chinese! Someone will accede. Subtle choices, but the dominant player is established.

Many married couples and families’ power structure is determined based on who controls the remote. Is the bully elder brother adamant about forcing everyone to watch TNA Wrestling or is the youngest daughter controlling enough that each dinner must be had with Bob The Builder playing in the background.

Every relation is a two-way street. However how big your lane is, is decided by how you adjust to the power structure.

Are we born with a moral compass?

Heard a simple question – do innate ethics exist? Are we really born with a moral compass, or is that we are conditioned to believe in a value system that your parents, culture, tribe or nation impose on you.

The answer I believe cannot be in absolutes. A child when born is innocent and unaware of ‘realities’. However, when he sees another smiling or laughing he responds with a smile or chuckle of his own. He tries to understand what caused the other to smile, was it a good gesture, a joke, a rose… Again when he sees a bully’s angry face go try push another child, he immediately assesses the reaction of the child at the receiving end.

Such interactions ultimately lead up to a value system.

I’ll give an example; my brother was a few months old. He was in my mother’s arms and was trying to reach for a piece of bread in my plate placed nearby. Ma picked it up and gave it to him…as he put in his mouth to chew on, I clumsily banged my foot in the sofa while trying to reach his cute cheeks. Tears sprang from my eyes. Seeing this, immediately my baby brother offered the bread to me. He simply assumed I might have wanted it… I actually started laughing, and was startled by his warm gesture.

Therefore, the deduction would be ethics or ethical behaviour is learnt only in context to others.

It may differ from one person to another simply by virtue of the environment, culture, tribe or nation you grew up in. What was right some years ago is acceptable today. Some years ago same sex marriages were considered unnatural, today some states have decided to amend their law on morality and have accepted the concept of sexual orientations. Is it not an ethical debate?

Stem cells research and cloning are again matters of debate. A scientist may find it ethical to abort a child with congenital defects that would, if born, would have lived in a vegetative state. A priest may find the idea of aborting a life abhorrent.

Ethics define our actions, and they are determined by and for the society you live in.

Whose watching?

It was a breezy summer morning. There was a lot of anxiety and chatter among students; you could see it on their face. The bell rang – the first mandated us to essentially freeze in our positions. You could not move or talk, while the Prefects walked around with an air of authority…ready to pull up any mischevious student. Try fidgeting and they will take you and have you stand on the stage, with the world’s (actually just the rest of the students’ & every single teacher’s) eye upon you.

That morning as the second bell struck and we assembled in respective lines, we heard hush murmurs… “Hey look…” “not there” “see..” “It’s there for sure”

The crowd quickly assembled, and after our morning prayers, Sister came to deliver her message for the day.

“There was once a farmer who was picking corn for his master. The master had gone out till evening, and needed the corn collected and packed neatly. The farmer was conscientious in his work, but today he was feeling lazy. He had called his son to help. As he saw his son pick out the corn, he had an idea.
“Son let’s fill up an extra bag with corn for us; no one will know.”
To this his son replied, “No, he’s watching”.
The father jumped and looked around. “Whose watching? Where? Oh my God, where?”
To this the son just pointed up at the sky, “God is watching”

Sister was going to elaborate on it further, when a girl screamed, “Look!” She was pointing to the toilet window on the 1st floor. The window was open and a white cloth, which seemed attached to the window, had got caught in the wind and was flapping away.

There had been indiscriminate talk of a ghost haunting for the past few days. This was supposed to be proof…

If you listened closely, you could hear a whispered collective thought, “Whose watching?”

A car named life

Sometimes life behaves just like a car. We steer it in a direction, and voila you suddenly find yourself at Disneyland. Hand over the steers to another, and there you land yourself a flat tyre. Life needs controlling, it needs direction and it needs to reach a destination.

Why are so many of us trapped in following the route laid out by others? Why is that we are afraid to make a U turn and take time to explore opportunities? It is never too late to follow your dreams…my grandpa got a law degree after he retired from his day job at around 60!

And for heaven’s sake you’ve got just these pair of wheels, look after them, oil them, nurture them…. Stop ogling at the Ferrari. Each life has its own unique purpose; find it!

Make things happen, don’t let things happen to you.