Post retirement solution – become a celeb judge

Have a flagging career in the Bollywood or Hollywood industry? Are your movies no longer pulling in an audience? Or have you got too many wrinkles for the screen? Well, do not fear – become a celebrity judge!

Yes, this is the new age money-making mantra. Let us look at some famous celeb judges…

The first one that comes to mind is Simon Cowell of American Idol. Had you ever heard of him, before he became the nasty, brutally honest judge on TV? Even if you did have an inkling, there were no “we love Simon” or “I hate Simon” shirts on sale in US, like this before.

Paula Abdul – the lady’s singing career has nosedived; she hasn’t given a hit in years…but she’s making it big as a judge. Courting controversy for giving judgments beforehand, romancing contestants and getting into lip-locks with Simon are her TV trademarks.

And of course the DAWG – Randy Jackson. He has equated so many people with the canine breed, that he might as well be dogs own adopted Idol!

Then, I think of our very own Javed Akhtar. He started off in the Indian Idol as a respectable, intelligent old man, who used to be concerned with diction. Today, the poet is seemingly available for every gig in town and has started over-talking. He can be downright mean…something Shabana Azmi should check on very soon.

Saroj Khan – Man, she got lucky!! Not only did the almost vanished choreographer get back her groove with the dance show, Naach Baliye. But she has even bagged an independent show on NDTV Imagine teaching nubile girls and young men to shake to the Bollywood beat.

Another one who moved from his failed Bollywood career to a celeb judge and NEVER looked back is, Rajiv Behl of Boogie Woogie dance program. He has just stuck to the judging chair for nearly 10 years now!

Actually, judging contestants has worked quite well for certain established music composers like Annu Malik, Vishal-Shekhar, Bappi Lahiri, Himesh Reshamiya etc. They listened to the best and have been able to get them to sing for them for almost free.

In fact, the biggest beneficiary was Amitabh Bachchan. When his company ABCL had gone bust and he was reeling under debts, Kaun Banega Crorepati rescued him. SRK too made money off the show and used it fund his movie production Om Shanti Om.

Really, who said television was an idiot box? It is more like a make-me-rich-quick box! All hail the TV!!!

The Great Khali madness on TV

Well, if you still have not been choked to the death with news of the Great Khali, then you must be unique! It is crazy how the media – national and international – have adopted Khali as its darling poster boy.

The man who looks retarded and abnormal has suddenly been hailed as an Indian mascot. His eight pack and long drawl has been endearing the more sensible – or at least the perceived sensible – like Sachin Tendulkar even. The way the man, who teaches our kids to go beat each other senseless everyday, is being idolized it is not a far fetched idea that he may soon be bestowed a Bharat Ratna soon.

Khali, if you have any brains left please let the kids know that what you do on screen is pure fantasy. And you do not endorse violence. Seriously, Mr.Ramadoss instead of getting after SRK for smoking, look into the screening of WWE into millions of gullible young minds.